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The Sumo Match

JYP tugs YG's loincloth and tries to topple him over but fails. His chicken legs give way under YG's superior weight. The man weighs like the stubby piglet he looks like.

The duo are wrapped around each other's torsos that evening at The Gangnam Bar, stark naked except for the loincloths that
were once their crisply ironed shirts. The bar
which had been converted in to an impromptu sumo wrestling ground is filled with cheering Gangnam elites.

"At least she HAD A CHANCE TO DEBUT, UNDER ME" JYP utters through gritted teeth while struggling to prevent YG from yanking his feet and slapping him on the ground like a dead leaf. Gosh, the man is strong.

"Yeah? When? In a decade? Cus I DIDN'T SEE HER NAME ON THE LIST OF YOUR FRIGGIN NGG CANDIDATES!" Roars YG, yanks from one of JYP's scrawny thighs and brings him to the ground. JYP hanging on to YG's loincloth for dear life, pulls YG to the ground with him.

The two of them lie on the ground panting heavily , YG on top of JYP. JYP stares in to YG's eyes mesmerized, drowning in their deep dark brown orbs that remind him of the sky at the dusk over the Gangnam skyline.....

What the-

The duo get up and dust themselves. That was just...... weird.

"Exactly what 'set of rules' did she break for you to 'weed her out' " Asks YG while rubbing his elbow. He hit it hard when he fell. "I thought we all had the same 'rules'.  Can't date, fucking is only within company, can't eat carbs, meat, fish, eggs, veggies or anything with calories, can't dress to not expose the privates! "YG elaborates. "What other rules do you have that she broke so you just had to thrust her in my face" YG says looking visibly annoyed.

"Wha-i didn't thrust her in your face, YOU TOOK HER FROM ME"

"Whatchu been smokin? I never took her from you-"

"The hallway! That time you came by my new building! REMEMBER? PUNK!"

"THAT WAS A JOKE. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU. I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER LEAVING-"

"WELL THEN WHY DID YOU HIDE IN THAT ALCOVE. I HAD TO MANHUNT YOU FOR DAYS-"

"CUZ YOU WERE RABID. I DID NOT WANT HER TO LEAVE AND I SURE AS HELL DON'T WANT HER IN THE BLACK LABEL-"

"Why not. She's a gold mine-"

"CUS I WAS GONNA SCRAP THE BLACK LABEL & ALONG WITH IT, TEDDY. " Shouts YG in agony! He really seems to have reached his limit! "

Someone in the crowd gasps loudly.

"And now that Somi is in it, i can't. Her fans will have my head."

"But why?" JYP asks, sounding really curious. Isn't Teddy the only producer in YG?

"Cus Teddy is slow as fuck. "YG says exasperatedly.

That someone gasps again. Then slams his evening scotch on the bench angrily. The audacity! He can't tolerate this anymore.

"It takes ages for that man to put out an album. "YG continues, rubbing his brow wearily. "I mean how hard can it be to write, compose and produce 40-45 songs a year. He's the reason why my groups can't have frequent comebacks. "

The someone gets up angrily. The stool he's sitting on topples behind him.

"You know, you can always hire MORE producers! " JYP utters calmly. Is YG actually dumber than him? What a revelation!

YG stares at him for about 3 seconds. Why hadn't he ever considered that before? JYP ain't as stupid as he looks.

"Ya know what, that's actually not a bad idea. " YG utters. A stupid smile breaks out across his face. "I'mma actually kick Teddy out and hire some fresh producers. Teddy's old a$$ been getting quite boring lately-"

The someone from the crowd utters an angry growl, pushes through the crowd at light speed & jumps on to YG, screaming out profanities. The two of them fall to the ground with a loud thud.

Watching from a front seat, SM takes a sip of
 his usual evening martini as YG writhes and screams and scratches during his wild attempt to keep Teddy from tearing off his loincloth, the only piece of cloth protecting his modesty!

The evening only seems to be getting better!


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